I've been...out-of-sorts lately. Up in the air. Feeling tossed about. Yet, at the same time, feeling a spiritual peace and confidence that I haven't felt in years.
I know what God wants me to do, is calling me to do. I know that I want to do it. The "it", of course, is returning to the local church as a pastor. This is pretty amazing given that even three months ago I was actively looking for chaplain jobs and feeling pretty sure that I was going to make a career out of extension ministry.
Of course, three months ago I was still essentially giving God the cold shoulder and my spiritual antennae were fairly dull. These days, it seems that everywhere I go and everything I hear is pointing in the same direction: back to the local church, back to Pride Rock (see previous post). Even my pastor's sermons seem directed towards this, although I'm fairly certain that he's not preparing them going, "let's see, what pep talk can I give Patti this week? Screw the other 300+ people who'll be there, what does Patti need to hear?" But it FEELS that way sometimes.
Part 1 of my plan for becoming ready to be Pastor Patti again is to really and fully re-enter the church, specifically the congregation of which I am a part. We've sort of been pew-warmers for the past two-and-a-half years, and sometimes not even that (I can't tell you how many Sundays we missed when I was pregnant and Walter was a newborn). We haven't been part of a Sunday School class, we haven't been involved in ministries, we haven't really done anything beyond attending Sunday worship. I know, it's sad. I'm CLERGY, for crying out loud. It's just...sad.
So, this Sunday I'm bound and determined that we will make it to Sunday School and we will find a class to attend. It may take several weeks, but we will find a class/small group that we like. And we will attend it every week, along with worship. (Except, of course, on the Sundays when I have had a really rough night or receive a page after 7:00 a.m. Because, of course, I'm on call every Saturday night, from 9:00 pm to 10:30 am.)
Harry is gaining himself the reputation as Mr. Computer Fix-it in the church office. I'm sure he will find another niche for his (many) gifts. Our pastor (I don't know if I've mentioned this, but the more I get to know the guy, the more I like him. Not that I ever disliked him, but he's one of those people who's kind of hard to get to know. But he's an excellent preacher, apparently a good leader since he's been at this church for 11 years, and lest we forget HE LET ME PREACH.) has apparently put my name on several committees, including the Administrative Council. I may begin attending them in the near future, just for the opportunity to be a "fly on the wall" and learn from observation.
But first, before I attend any meetings, I'm going to do what I should have done months and months ago, perhaps even over a year ago: I am going to make an appointment with my pastor, sit down with him, and tell him my story in the most succinct manner possible. I will do that this week (you know, the week of the 9th). Or, at least MAKE the appointment, even if it winds up being next week.
And maybe after I spill my guts to him, he'll tell me if he's moving or not. Or, at least what the possibility is. (:
Can someone hold me accountable to the "meet with pastor" thing? Bug me until I say I've done it? Thanks.