If you remember my post from a few weeks ago seeking advice about a pastoral counselor or spiritual director, I decided on the pastoral counselor option, thanks in large part to the RevGals and an especially helpful e-mail from Mutha+. My first appointment was today, and I have a good feeling about this new relationship. He's an older gentlemen, a Disciples of Christ (Christian Church) minister, so he is aware of the issues related to clergy life. I plan on seeing him every two weeks. In our hour together, I basically gave a recap of my life over the past five years, including brief descriptions of my SJ experience, my healing, my experiences at BT, and motherhood.
One thing my counselor (I guess I need to come up with a pseudonym for him) pointed out for consideration is that the past seven months have been about Patti re-discovering Patti....on so many levels. And I think he's right. I think that through the SJ experience, motherhood, and postpartum depression, I sort of lost my identity in a way. And now I am beginning to rediscover who Patti is and who God created Patti to be...and celebrate that person, instead of trying to stifle her or change her. Certainly, I am not perfect, and I have blind spots and growing edges, just like we all do. But, I am also a unique child of God and a person of worth, and I have my own unique light to shine and my own gifts to give this world.
In other words, I'm beginning to be "free to be me", and it feels really good.