On Being Transparent

In terms of the healing thing...I'm almost there. I was doing great until I made the mistake of checking Facebook of Wednesday night, after I posted the last blog entry. The Board of Ordained Ministry met this week and a number of my clergy colleagues (who I was commissioned with in 2007) were joyfully announcing the good news of their impending ordination. A bunch were ordained last year, but this represents the bulk of the rest of my class of provisional elders (some were deferred last year, and approved this year). I am so, so happy for them. I really am. I'm proud of all the work they've done to get this far, the fruit that God is bearing in their lives, and will proudly stand up for them as they're being ordained in June (whether I'm at Annual Conference or watching on the computer via live streaming video), just as I did for the first batch last year.

But, it hurts just a little bit to be left behind and to not be where I thought I would be at this point. Sure, I believe I'm where I need to be right now, and I know that God is working in my life, blah, blah. But there are days when I wonder when it will be my turn to go before the Board (I have two more years of full-time service before I can even apply for ordination), to get that phone call, to be elected as an elder in full connection, to place my hands on the Bible and have the Bishop ordain me, and to feel that stole go around my neck for the first time.

On Friday, I finally broke down, called Mac, and told him I wanted to meet with him. I'm coming into the office on Monday morning, after I drop Nora off at preschool (which is at our church). We should have almost an hour to talk, and I plan on at least sharing some of the pain, victories, and healing of the past four years or so. And then...I don't know. I'm hoping that sharing it with him, and praying about it with him, will help bring some closure and healing. At the very least, he'll know more of my story. And maybe I'll know more of his, too.

And maybe, if I'm really lucky...he'll tell me if he's moving in June or not.